I worry a lot about what other people think. Most people tell me I shouldn't do this....but I do. And I realize it is because I make assumptions about others, often crediting them with things they didn't do or making them out to be people they are not. It is like being judgemental but not in the typical negative way.
For instance, one of my dark secrets is that I drop The Cowboy off for pre-school in less than appropriate attire...mine, not his. Oh sure, I look normal as I jump out, hand The Cowboy off to his teacher and hustle back behind the wheel. But under that parka is the rest of the story. From toe up: shoes, no socks, yesterday's jeans, my pj shirt, no bra. I brush my teeth but only because they cannot be hidden under a stocking cap. My giant bug-eye sunglasses hide that I have not put my face on. I am a royal mess at best.
I worry each day that something will happen and I will need to go inside the school. How long could I sit in the director's office with my winter coat and stocking cap on before I pass out from overheating? Would I look like I was nursing a hangover or hiding a black eye if I wore my shades inside? What would people think?
Not that I really find my dropping off outfit really that bad, certainly there are a few other moms in similar get-ups, but I judge myself against a handful of moms who I think must be featured in some I Heart Momming Magazine. They drive the squeaky clean SUVs; I drive one too but it's hard to tell it's an SUV under all of that dirt. They have happy laughing kids; I have those too except mine are mad and crying. They have awesome trendy clothes; I do too if it were still 1996. So you can see why it's so easy for them to judge me.
Yesterday my system of measuring up and crediting others was rocked to the core. The leader of the Wanna-Be Moms (named not because they're faking being moms but because I wanna-be as cool as them) hopped out of her 2017 Suburban for pick-up. It was 11:20 in the morning and she had on her yoga gear. Certainly she had just finished a private session with a ridiculously attractive yoga guy.
As the teacher handed Yoga Mom her son she said, "Oh, how was yoga?"
Yoga Mom turned beat red and laughed, "I know it's almost lunch but I'm still in my pajamas. It's been one of those days." She buckled her son and practically peeled out as she left the school. I had witnessed her embarrassment. The curtain had been pulled back from the mystical Wizard of Oz.
So Yoga Mom is really Pajama Mom. And since each day at pick-up I've noted her yoga attire, that means this is not "one of those days" but really it's her everyday. Hmmmm. Perhaps this means Yoga Mom has watched me in the mornings at drop-off and felt envious of the fact I was already dressed for the day. Except I wasn't. I too was Pajama Mom.
Now it seems I have to be a little easier on myself. If I want to weigh myself against the other moms (and really, I shouldn't) I need to cut myself some slack. They are hacking through their days the same as the rest of us. We can all find things about ourselves to get hung up on, and finding another mom who is succeeding in that area somehow makes us feel right. See....see, I knew I was screwing up....look at that mom, she's so__________. But maybe instead of making fake success stories for other moms we should create our own. Or at least accept that what we're doing and how we are surviving is okay. We're all in the same boat, even if we're not all Pajama Mom.